I can’t remember how was his voice like over the phone.

I can’t remember how was it he ends his email with all those hugs and kisses and saying he missed me.

I can’t remember how his breathing sounds or how comfy was those shoulders of his.

He was busy with work – travels and schedules.

I am a 9-6 Mondays to Fridays working lady. I remember those crazy days when I’d work extras on weekends just so I could get a fatter pay cheque.

I was saving up so I can follow him around during his tour.

We have always quarreled about how he could pay everything for me and how I didn’t want that because I’d earn my own money and spend it the way I want it. Thinking back, yes, I was selfish perhaps but I am regretting…

With him accepting more bigger projects, he is hardly ever in town. I’d visit his empty house couple of times each day just so I could feel myself still being as his girlfriend. I watched those videos that fans uploaded for him online and I could see his zest in the kind of music and performance that he loves. How could I stopped him and ever be less supportive? Even though he said he could give that all up just so I like it. But, I couldn’t do that. He belongs to the stage. I’ve seen how different he was when he was performing on stage and that’s another part of him that attracted me so much.

One word – Perfection

It was a number so familar. A voice that still rings in my head.

I stared at my phone that reflected his number. The phone keeps vibrating for the last I-have-no-idea-how-long period. I am starting to tear up. The vibration stopped and the phone lights another colour stating 25 missed calls from the same one number. I know exactly how well he must be feeling now. I wasn’t trying to avoid his calls but I knew what was coming and perhaps feel fear of picking it up.

I got a text. “Pick up that phone, please.” It wasn’t a text to me. It was more like his voice ringing through that text message.

I picked up that phone and hit re-dialed. 1 ring and he picked it up. I missed a beat when he said my name. How long was it, I thought. I couldn’t make up a sound. I was feeling too apologetic.

I had been avoiding him for the last couple of weeks giving the excuse that I am busy but in fact, I was thinking about our future. I was receiving a lot of pressures from many others with regards about our relationship. He’s a popular singer and me; I’m just a plain lady in her early 20s. But we both know that they way I love him is not that the love of a fan, a friend, family or working partners.

He is special to me.

“you finally pick up my calls. Please, please! stop avoiding my calls. I’m starting to feel the kind of stress about our relationship; something I’m dreading so much since we started to get closer. I really do like you; not like any other.”

“oppa…I…sorry… I didn’t do it on purpose. It’s just that.. I…”

“I know! There’s a lot of pressure from both families and my fans as well. And you know how much you…”

“I know. Of course I do… And your fans… they love you too… they didn’t…”

“I know they love me. I know they are the ones who have brought me thus far as a singer. I love it the way it is with the fans. But I am only but human. You’re different from them. You’re the woman I love… you know that. But why is it that we’re always falling back on this topic whenever those news about me gets reported? I’m getting listless… can’t your trust me? What is it that…”

“No…no.. it’s not that… I do love you… a…lot…”

“Then? What is it, then?”


“why is the minds of girls so complicated? I know this is no simple relationship. But I do wish to keep it as simple as it could be, just like when we first started out as friends.”

“oppa, i’m really sorry. I hate to apologise over this. And it is not in the least like me… but… I have no idea why only the word “sorry” is flashing across my mind now. And I…”

“hush… I’m going to be taking time out of my schedule and flying back tomorrow. It’s just for one day. One day and I’ll need to be back. But I want us to meet. I want to talk this through.”

“you didn’t have to. I’ve decided to fly over to see you. I’ve applied for leave to go on vacation but I’ll go over to you instead. Just hearing how you are now makes me realize how wrong I was and how much I’ve missed you.”

“Alright. let me know what time you’re arriving and I’ll pick you up okay? We can go for a short trip at the beach or something. It’s a good time since it’s summer.”

“anywhere is fine. I just want to get over to you soon. I’ll text you again tomorrow.”

“No, call me.”

“Alright. I’ll call. You should be tired after the show. Rest well and I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, oppa.”