I can’t remember when was the last time I spoke to him or when we exchanged text or even met up. I was so caught up with work these days and he had just started filming for a drama. I was travelling around for meetings and have been out of town for the last month. He had texted saying that he bought a new house and would be shifting in a month later but I haven’t had the time to reply him. I was in the air half the time I was awake. The other half of the time, I was having meetings.

There was just so many things to do and there wasn’t sufficient time. I was going insane with all that workload. I saw a text that Ju sent me.

“JaeJoong is having a fan meeting in 2 weeks time. Where would you be? It’d be good if you can come back. It’s his first fan meeting.”

I didn’t reply to that either. There was no excuse. But I didn’t even have time to breathe or seat down to have a proper meal. I was totally exhausted. I’d be back in town only in another 10 days. I couldn’t wait.


[10 days later]

I was at the airport when I texted Ju saying “I’m at the airport. See you back in town in 26 hours time.”

For the first time round, I had a sleep on the way back to Korea. I didn’t even wake up for any meals. I slept through the whole period when I was in the air. I was awakened by someone seated beside me when we touched down. “I’m sorry” was the only word that came out of  my mouth. I packed and hurried down the plane. And I was passing though the immigration and waiting for my bag. I couldn’t stand properly because I was so exhausted.


Back home, I threw my things on the sofa and slammed myself onto the bed. I am totally exhausted and I fell deep asleep without even changing out. It was only 3 hours later that I find myself awoke in sweat on my bed. I sat up and listened to voice messages. There were 30 over messages over the past month that I was away.

“Hey! I managed to get JaeJoong’s fan meeting tickets for you! It was SO hard to get it! You have to be thankful to me! It’s tomorrow at 8pm! Be sure to go! You can do a self-collection at the venue with my name. You got it? You should be back but you haven’t been picking up my calls. Rest well my dear and look fresh to meet him tomorrow!”

That was the only voice message that I felt relevant. It was left by Ju 2 hours ago. I picked myself up and washed up.


[Next day at 7.30pm]

I dolled myself up for this special day and there was already a lot of people who were waiting at the venue to meet him. I wasn’t surprised at the number of people who came but surprised at the number of people who couldn’t come. I was listening to those fans who chatted with their friends while waiting in the queue. It looked like I was the only person who was alone. We were allowed to go in 15 minutes before the fan meeting.


[At the fan meeting]

“Hello, everyone! This is Kim JaeJoong.”

There were screams all around when JaeJoong appeared on the stage. He looked really dashing today. He had changed a lot over the past month.

“He’s my man.” That was what I thought in my mind as he started waving to all fans who attended.

The fan meeting kicked off with 2 songs and he was having a long talk about himself and then there were games after games. He was about to sing his last song before the handshake with all the fans who attended.

“In order for this fan meeting to be more memorable, I shall have a special event. Can everyone see that light over there? Yes, that white light. Light Director, could you move it around and choose any fan seated on the audience seat? Yes? Alright. I will invite the fan who has been chosen by the Light Director on stage and I’ll sing specially for her. How is that?”

There were screams all around and people were fighting to be the lucky fan, “Me!’ “Me!” “Me!” was all I thought I could hear.

“Ok! We need a chair. Can someone grab me a chair, please? ” He turned to the backstage and spoke. A chair was brought out shortly.

“Are you ready, everyone?”


“Light Director, are you ready? 1,2,3! Let’s s~tart~!”

All other lights were switched off  except the white light and another light that focused on JaeJoong. The white light revolved around. It stopped. There was something so bright it was blocking my view in front.

“Let’s see! Who is this lucky fan?”

The other lights were switched on and it brought me back to my sight.

I was chosen.

“Hi, lucky fan! Can we have you on the stage, please?”

I was thinking if this could be some sort of a joke. I was ushered onto the stage by a backstage staff. I went on the stage and staring at JaeJoong as I approach him I was given a mike.

“Can we have you to introduce yourself, please?”

“This is too sudden.” I spoke into the mike and pulled it off so I couldn’t be heard.

I leaned slightly nearer to JaeJoong and asked, “Oppa, what is this?”

There were screams from the audience.

“It seemed like this fan is in shock because she was so surprised that she was chosen. We shall skip the introduction part because we’re short of time.”

He turned to look at me. “Please give the mike back to the staff and take a seat over at the chair.”

JaeJoong walked over to stand in front of me as I sat on the chair. He was real. He grabbed hold on my hands and it felt so warm.

“Oppa, is this planned? Did you know that I was coming?” I asked again before the start of the song.

The lights were switched off and on once again and the music started playing. I could only stare blankly at JaeJoong’s face when he started singing professionally on the stage. The song ended in 5 minutes.

“Thank you. I hope you’ve enjoyed my performance.” He said to me with a smile so warm and it felt so real. He turned around to face the audience. “Did everyone enjoy the last song?”

“Nooooooooooooo” Everyone was not willing to let that be the last song and was demanding for more songs with a “No”

I stood on the stage like my feet were stucked on the ground.

“It seemed like this fan of mine didn’t quite had fun either. What should I do?” He asked the audience. He paused for a short 1 second. “Maybe she needs a hug.” He came forth and hugged me before I could reacted.

His hug felt so warm and nice.

There were protests from the audience.

He teased, “I’ve already hugged her. There’s nothing I can do now. If I hug everyone, I think everyone will stink tomorrow. Because all of you won’t bath!” He giggled.

It felt like it was the first time I’ve seen him giggled in front of me.

Unknowingly, I said, “Oppa, I missed you a lot.”

He urged me to return to my seat.

“We shall start the hand shaking session and I will try to sign as many posters as I can.”

With that, a table and chair was placed near the back of the stage. People were moving off in rows towards the stage and it was my turn up the stage next. I was still confused with all that had went on. I was the 4th fan to receive his signed poster and I keep staring at him. He caught me and he turned to his manager and spoke something into his ear.

“What is your name?” He asked me.

I stared at him in his eyes. “Oppa, you’re asking for my name?”

He looked at the fan behind me and back to me again.

“I don’t think I got your name earlier. You were the fan from the last event, right?”


JaeJoong looked even more confused.

“We haven’t seen each other for 1 month and you can’t remember me?”

“I’m sorry? I try to remember everyone but sometimes it’s hard to. With so many fans…”

I cut him off, slamming on the table, “Oppa! You really don’t know who I am? I know it was wrong to stay off contacting often. But…”

JaeJoong was standing up and he was totally in shock now. I was trying to grab hold of his hands when I was pulled back by 2 strong forces.

“Do you know her, JaeJoong?” I heard his manager asked.

JaeJoong shook his head.

“Security, please take her away.” His manager ordered the security.

“Oppa! Oppa~! Oppa!!!!” I screamed as I was dragged away.


I was brought to wait at the security room. I couldn’t understand what went on back there. I was asked to contact someone who can come to bring me back. I called Ju and she picked up. I told her where I was and she came pretty fast.

Ju rushed in to check if I was alright. I was breaking out in cold sweat. She was speaking with the security officer and I was looking at the both of them. They were wearing uniforms; the security officer in white and black and Ju was in white. I stared at her for answers. She didn’t speak to me but held onto my hand. The security office called someone and spoke over the phone.

“Hello. This is the security office. I’m sorry for the shock you would be in. I’ve cleared up on this issue. It seemed like she’s a crazy fan of yours and she hasn’t been in good health since last year. She saw your fan meeting online and somewhat came here today. I’ve just spoken to a staff from where she was staying. And it seemed that she had sneaked out today when everyone was busy with cleaning up. I’m sorry to have caused such disturbance. We should have checked. Yes. Yes. I’m sorry. Yes, have a safe trip back. Thank you.”

The security turned and spoke to Ju again.

“Ju… What is this? What is he saying? What fan? What cleaning? What? You were the one who gave me those…” I started saying while I stood up and grabbed hold of Ju.

I fell back on my seat. “What… is this? Who… am I?”