Category: My Imaginary Love – Kim Jae Joong

I can’t remember when was the last time I spoke to him or when we exchanged text or even met up. I was so caught up with work these days and he had just started filming for a drama. I was travelling around for meetings and have been out of town for the last month. He had texted saying that he bought a new house and would be shifting in a month later but I haven’t had the time to reply him. I was in the air half the time I was awake. The other half of the time, I was having meetings.

There was just so many things to do and there wasn’t sufficient time. I was going insane with all that workload. I saw a text that Ju sent me.

“JaeJoong is having a fan meeting in 2 weeks time. Where would you be? It’d be good if you can come back. It’s his first fan meeting.”

I didn’t reply to that either. There was no excuse. But I didn’t even have time to breathe or seat down to have a proper meal. I was totally exhausted. I’d be back in town only in another 10 days. I couldn’t wait.


[10 days later]

I was at the airport when I texted Ju saying “I’m at the airport. See you back in town in 26 hours time.”

For the first time round, I had a sleep on the way back to Korea. I didn’t even wake up for any meals. I slept through the whole period when I was in the air. I was awakened by someone seated beside me when we touched down. “I’m sorry” was the only word that came out of  my mouth. I packed and hurried down the plane. And I was passing though the immigration and waiting for my bag. I couldn’t stand properly because I was so exhausted.


Back home, I threw my things on the sofa and slammed myself onto the bed. I am totally exhausted and I fell deep asleep without even changing out. It was only 3 hours later that I find myself awoke in sweat on my bed. I sat up and listened to voice messages. There were 30 over messages over the past month that I was away.

“Hey! I managed to get JaeJoong’s fan meeting tickets for you! It was SO hard to get it! You have to be thankful to me! It’s tomorrow at 8pm! Be sure to go! You can do a self-collection at the venue with my name. You got it? You should be back but you haven’t been picking up my calls. Rest well my dear and look fresh to meet him tomorrow!”

That was the only voice message that I felt relevant. It was left by Ju 2 hours ago. I picked myself up and washed up.


[Next day at 7.30pm]

I dolled myself up for this special day and there was already a lot of people who were waiting at the venue to meet him. I wasn’t surprised at the number of people who came but surprised at the number of people who couldn’t come. I was listening to those fans who chatted with their friends while waiting in the queue. It looked like I was the only person who was alone. We were allowed to go in 15 minutes before the fan meeting.


[At the fan meeting]

“Hello, everyone! This is Kim JaeJoong.”

There were screams all around when JaeJoong appeared on the stage. He looked really dashing today. He had changed a lot over the past month.

“He’s my man.” That was what I thought in my mind as he started waving to all fans who attended.

The fan meeting kicked off with 2 songs and he was having a long talk about himself and then there were games after games. He was about to sing his last song before the handshake with all the fans who attended.

“In order for this fan meeting to be more memorable, I shall have a special event. Can everyone see that light over there? Yes, that white light. Light Director, could you move it around and choose any fan seated on the audience seat? Yes? Alright. I will invite the fan who has been chosen by the Light Director on stage and I’ll sing specially for her. How is that?”

There were screams all around and people were fighting to be the lucky fan, “Me!’ “Me!” “Me!” was all I thought I could hear.

“Ok! We need a chair. Can someone grab me a chair, please? ” He turned to the backstage and spoke. A chair was brought out shortly.

“Are you ready, everyone?”


“Light Director, are you ready? 1,2,3! Let’s s~tart~!”

All other lights were switched off  except the white light and another light that focused on JaeJoong. The white light revolved around. It stopped. There was something so bright it was blocking my view in front.

“Let’s see! Who is this lucky fan?”

The other lights were switched on and it brought me back to my sight.

I was chosen.

“Hi, lucky fan! Can we have you on the stage, please?”

I was thinking if this could be some sort of a joke. I was ushered onto the stage by a backstage staff. I went on the stage and staring at JaeJoong as I approach him I was given a mike.

“Can we have you to introduce yourself, please?”

“This is too sudden.” I spoke into the mike and pulled it off so I couldn’t be heard.

I leaned slightly nearer to JaeJoong and asked, “Oppa, what is this?”

There were screams from the audience.

“It seemed like this fan is in shock because she was so surprised that she was chosen. We shall skip the introduction part because we’re short of time.”

He turned to look at me. “Please give the mike back to the staff and take a seat over at the chair.”

JaeJoong walked over to stand in front of me as I sat on the chair. He was real. He grabbed hold on my hands and it felt so warm.

“Oppa, is this planned? Did you know that I was coming?” I asked again before the start of the song.

The lights were switched off and on once again and the music started playing. I could only stare blankly at JaeJoong’s face when he started singing professionally on the stage. The song ended in 5 minutes.

“Thank you. I hope you’ve enjoyed my performance.” He said to me with a smile so warm and it felt so real. He turned around to face the audience. “Did everyone enjoy the last song?”

“Nooooooooooooo” Everyone was not willing to let that be the last song and was demanding for more songs with a “No”

I stood on the stage like my feet were stucked on the ground.

“It seemed like this fan of mine didn’t quite had fun either. What should I do?” He asked the audience. He paused for a short 1 second. “Maybe she needs a hug.” He came forth and hugged me before I could reacted.

His hug felt so warm and nice.

There were protests from the audience.

He teased, “I’ve already hugged her. There’s nothing I can do now. If I hug everyone, I think everyone will stink tomorrow. Because all of you won’t bath!” He giggled.

It felt like it was the first time I’ve seen him giggled in front of me.

Unknowingly, I said, “Oppa, I missed you a lot.”

He urged me to return to my seat.

“We shall start the hand shaking session and I will try to sign as many posters as I can.”

With that, a table and chair was placed near the back of the stage. People were moving off in rows towards the stage and it was my turn up the stage next. I was still confused with all that had went on. I was the 4th fan to receive his signed poster and I keep staring at him. He caught me and he turned to his manager and spoke something into his ear.

“What is your name?” He asked me.

I stared at him in his eyes. “Oppa, you’re asking for my name?”

He looked at the fan behind me and back to me again.

“I don’t think I got your name earlier. You were the fan from the last event, right?”


JaeJoong looked even more confused.

“We haven’t seen each other for 1 month and you can’t remember me?”

“I’m sorry? I try to remember everyone but sometimes it’s hard to. With so many fans…”

I cut him off, slamming on the table, “Oppa! You really don’t know who I am? I know it was wrong to stay off contacting often. But…”

JaeJoong was standing up and he was totally in shock now. I was trying to grab hold of his hands when I was pulled back by 2 strong forces.

“Do you know her, JaeJoong?” I heard his manager asked.

JaeJoong shook his head.

“Security, please take her away.” His manager ordered the security.

“Oppa! Oppa~! Oppa!!!!” I screamed as I was dragged away.


I was brought to wait at the security room. I couldn’t understand what went on back there. I was asked to contact someone who can come to bring me back. I called Ju and she picked up. I told her where I was and she came pretty fast.

Ju rushed in to check if I was alright. I was breaking out in cold sweat. She was speaking with the security officer and I was looking at the both of them. They were wearing uniforms; the security officer in white and black and Ju was in white. I stared at her for answers. She didn’t speak to me but held onto my hand. The security office called someone and spoke over the phone.

“Hello. This is the security office. I’m sorry for the shock you would be in. I’ve cleared up on this issue. It seemed like she’s a crazy fan of yours and she hasn’t been in good health since last year. She saw your fan meeting online and somewhat came here today. I’ve just spoken to a staff from where she was staying. And it seemed that she had sneaked out today when everyone was busy with cleaning up. I’m sorry to have caused such disturbance. We should have checked. Yes. Yes. I’m sorry. Yes, have a safe trip back. Thank you.”

The security turned and spoke to Ju again.

“Ju… What is this? What is he saying? What fan? What cleaning? What? You were the one who gave me those…” I started saying while I stood up and grabbed hold of Ju.

I fell back on my seat. “What… is this? Who… am I?”



Weeks passed very quickly and I was guilty that I wasn’t able to keep my promise to him. He was very understanding towards that. For the period that I was busy, he took up a part time job by doing something that he has never done before and he mentioned he was looking into possibility of debuting as an actor. I don’t doubt his ability and persistency in learning new things but he does need to polish his acting skills. He has all that support from and he knows that too.

It was a Friday and according to our conversation last night, he’s supposed to be meeting someone in the afternoon today for some discussions so I assumed that he’d be back by evening. I took a half day off but didn’t let him know. I want it to be a pleasant surprise. I drove to my house, dropped my files, picked up Jiji, who seemed like his owner is me instead of Jae, drove to the nearest market and bought some fresh food and went to his house. It was quite some time since I went and I thought I forgot his password but I didn’t. The house was speck and cleaned; the cleaning lady really did a good job. I settled my stuff and settled Jiji down. He started partolling around the house like he’s in a new environment. I, too, went around the house like I was visiting for the first time. Just that the owner was out.


I prepared a spread of dinner and lay everything nicely and it was barely 6.30pm. So, I decided to take a shower and change out of my clothes which would have smelled badly by now.

By the time I was out it was 7.00pm so I decided to give him a call. He didn’t pick up so I sent a text instead; unwilling to reveal where I am.

“Oppa, where are you?”

[ 5 minutes later ]

“It’s Friday. Aren’t you working too hard while you’re resting?”

[10 minutes later]

“you’re so busy you can’t check your text? Alright…”

[30 minutes later]

“hmm… seeing that there’s no reply from you. It looks like you really didn’t have that time. 😦 ” I added an unhappy smiley.

[10 minutes later]

“Oppa? you’re not here…?” I typed out the text but I didn’t hit the send button. I hit delete instead and sighed. “Where is he. So busy that my text is not replied.”

It’s almost 8.00pm. I turned to Jiji and turned to stare at the clock for a moment while it hits 8.00pm. I checked my phone again and sighed.

I switched on the TV and started scanning through the programs.


[30 minutes later]

I went to the kitchen and started covering the dishes so that it doesn’t attract flies or ants. And then headed back to the hall and continued watching TV.

[1 hour later]

I stared at Jiji and ushered him to come to me. He did. I picked him up and folded my legs towards my chest and I lay his back to my tights so that he’s facing me. I grabbed onto his paws and started talking to him.

“Jiji ahhh, where is this owner of yours? What time is it and he’s still not back. And there isn’t any call or messages from him after all that texts that I’ve sent out. How can he be that busy? It’s a Friday night. He didn’t say he has anything important today, did he?”

Jiji just stared at me as I rattled on and on. When I finally finished and let go of him, he moved to sit beside me. As I stared down at him, he gave me the look that says “nuna, do you think I know that any better than you?” Sometimes I find Jiji so adorable. I patted him on his head and he seemed to like it. Then I realized I haven’t gave him any food or drink whole day.

“Jiji ahh! You must be hungry and thirsty! This nuna is so forgetful! Let me get you something now.”

Seemingly to have understood me, he followed behind as I headed to him room. Jiji’s room was still decorated the way it was when I first came. There were a lot of black cat dolls and some other Jiji toys around, including what Jae would call “Jiji’s warm house”. Everything was good; just that there were too many black cat of the same size and design that it looked scary with so many pairs of eyes staring up at you. I left the light on as Jiji munched on his food.

“Jiji ahh. Eat a lot and drink some water too. Don’t overeat though. I like the size you are now. Else you’ll need to go on diet.”

Jiji stopped for a moment to look at me. I ignored his look. Sometimes he does freak me out.


[2 hours later]

I was scanning through the channels on the TV and checking my phone from time to time and yet there was no call or text. He didn’t say he would be meeting anyone tonight. I stared at the clock and back to the TV screen. “what a boring Friday night. What was meant to be a pleasant surprise turned out to be a boring Friday night to me. Waiting for someone to return to his own house.”

I have no idea from when did I start to doze off. I can’t stand it anymore and eventually lay down on the sofa in a comfortable position and fell fast asleep. Because I was so tired, it was hard for me to fall asleep. I could feel Jiji walking up towards me with what felt like small paws stepping on me with heavy weighs and he settled himself down on an empty space beside me. Then I thought I saw my phone lit up but because I was too tired to even open up my eyes, I chose to ignore it and continued sleeping.


[ 1 hour later ]

Someone had pressed on the keypads for the password to enter and the door unlocked. I moved slightly but didn’t get up to see who was it. In fact, there wasn’t a need for that. I imagined that figure entered the house and then settled down his things by the side and slowly paced himself towards my direction. He was back.

He picked up Jiji who was lying beside me.
“Jiji ahhh, I see that you’ve come back. Did nuna brought you back? You’re supposed to keep her company. Nuna is sleeping and why are you disturbing her?”

Feeling sleepy, I tried opening one of my eye and I thought I saw he walked away and put Jiji on the other side of the sofa. And then he came back to me.

“Baby, I didn’t know you came. I saw your text messages an hour ago. And I called but you didn’t pick up. Why are you here?”

I was trying to force myself to sit up as he spoke. And I started to rub my eyes. He grabbed my hands.

“How many times I said not to rub your eyes with your hands like that?”

“ung…” I yawned. “I’m tried. There’s food in the kitchen. I cooked.”
I was so tired I lie down on the sofa again as he headed off to the kitchen.

“You made all these?” I can hear him munching on some food while he spoke.

“ung… I wanted oppa to eat something that I cooked so I made those.”

“You didn’t tell me you’re coming before hand.”

“I meant for it to be a surprise.”

“hmm…” He came out of the kitchen and saw me lying on the sofa half-dead.

“You look so dead tired.”

“I am. I haven’t had the chance to really rest well after I came back from Europe.”

“Your company is mistreating you. How can they do that to my darling?”

“ung…” I was too tried to say much and I sensed drowsiness in my voice.

He picked me up from the sofa and carried me in his arms.

“oppa, what are you trying to do?”

“Bringing you to the bedroom and trying to put you to sleep.”

“I just need to sleep for a while. I can sleep on the sofa.”

“The bed is more comfortable.” He didn’t sound like he was going to allow me to sleep on t he sofa as I wished. I wanted to sleep on the sofa because it was cooling. And I liked it; the smell of the sofa.

He put me down on the bed and tugged me under the blankets then head off to close the window, draw the binds and switched on the aircon and closed the door.

“It’s better on the bed isn’t it.”

I noded.

“since what time were you here?” I could hear his voice became louder.

“about 4pm?”

“that was early.” He’s now crawling up the bed making space for himself beside him. I didn’t had to open my eyes to be able to feel his movements.

“i’ll sleep for a while. Wake me up later.”

“You can just have all the sleep that you need. There’s no work tomorrow anyways, isn’t it?”


He pulled me closer to him as we spoke and I was resting on his arm.

“Sleep well.”
I fell asleep very quickly.


Next morning, I awoke on his bed. I opened the door and hear someone at the kitchen. I walked towards the kitchen and found him cooking. I went to stand beside him.

“You’re awake? Why don’t you sleep more?”

“That smells nice. What nice breakfast have you made?”

“Things that you like.” He exclaimed with a satisfied smile.
When was the last time I’ve seen him smile like that.

He pinched on my nose and said, “I’m almost done. Go seat and wait at the table. I know you’re hungry.”

” I didn’t had dinner.”

“why not?”

“because of someone who came back late.”

“ahh… me?”

“who else was there?”

He turned back and gave me the how-do-I-know look. I giggled and he smiled. “How nice.” I thought. We are really comfortable with each other.

He put the soup on the dining table and immediately, I dipped the spoon in and scooped up the soup and put it into my mouth.

“ah!! hot! hot!”

He giggled. “You fool. I  just removed it from the stove. And! you did it to my soup again.”

I opened my mouth to defend myself but he shut it by saying, “I know. Soups are meant to be eaten, right.”

I giggled at him and bit on my lower lip.

He smiled and said, “What will I do without you?”

“why would you be?” I answered immediately


Early Wednesday morning, as soon as I reached the office, I received a call from my boss who’s in Europe. He says that there’s an urgent meeting for the board of directors and I was to fly over to attend it with a few other colleagues. The notice was short and I was to be booked on the next best available flight. I was given a flight that would leave that very afternoon at 3pm. There was no time because an hour later we were to have a short meeting and I’d need to head home and pack and leave. Time was very tight.

As per usual, the meeting took longer than we had all expected. I did an online check in and my colleague drove me home so I could manage my time better. I was grateful for that. It was about 12.45pm when I left the house and the airport is about an hour away. I was rushing against time. I decided to drive as my colleague said she could pick up my car at the car park. I reached and dropped my bags and head off to the lockers to drop my car key. And headed straight in.

The rest of the people were boarding so I thought I could use that time to give him a call. He didn’t pick up the first nor second call so I decided that I should leave a voice message.

“Oppa, I’m really sorry. I’m at Incheon Aiport now getting ready to fly off to Europe. I’ll be back only in another 2-3 weeks time. I’m not too sure yet. I’ll call again when I reach. Don’t worry. I love you. Bye.”


It was still day when I touched down at Europe. We didn’t have time for any decent rest and I wasn’t the kind who would be able to sleep on the plane. As soon as we touched down, I switched on my phone, expecting something from him. It took a while for the network to get connected. But there was nothing from him. My phone was low in battery so I shut it off again and headed for the hotel. Someone had picked us up and will be sending us to the office once we drop our stuff.

I didn’t had the time to charge my phone. I changed into a new set of clothes and packed for what I thought would be required documents for the meeting.


We reached the office slightly earlier than expected and it was just in time for lunch so everyone decided we could all head out for a meal and the start the meeting.

“Do you think you could help me with this? The battery died.”

“Why not.”

We went out and were back in less than 2 hours. I had switched on my phone while it charged.

There were quite a couple of text messages and voicemails. I didn’t bother to look at the contents but at the summary. It was sent throughout the long hours I was on board; from family, friends and from him. I thought he should be worried since I didn’t call so I decided to call instead. It took a long while for the call to get connected.

“You arrived safely? You said to call but you didn’t.”

“I’m sorry. My phone died on me. I didn’t had the time to charge.”

“ung… so where are you now?”

“in the office. Oppa, I’ll call again. I need to run.”


Time check. It was 5am Korea Time when we ended. I was dead tired. But I decided I should drop him a text message as promised.

“Oppa, I know I said that this weekend is all yours but there was an urgent call for meeting. Are you sleeping?”

It took a while for the text reply to come in so I thought he was asleep. While I pack to head back to the hotel, his text came in.

“No, I’m not exactly sleeping.” There was some typo error and I know he’s half-awake.

“ung. Continue to sleep. I just finished and am about to head back to the hotel. I think I should be able to catch some sleep.”

“Got it. Have a good rest. Good night, baby.”


Many days passed and we conversed through text messages all this while because of the time difference. I was scheduled to go back tomorrow and when I touch down in Korea, it would be a Monday morning. Through text message, I let him know of my flight details. I was half dead when I got off the plane because I didn’t manage to sleep a wink.

I grabbed my baggages and head out. As soon as I stepped out of the sliding door, out of the crowd, I saw a figure standing some distance away from me up front. I could barely open my eyes to see who that was. I continued to walk. I walked and passed that figure.

“Hello there…” I thought I heard a voice calling out to me. But then again I imagined it was my hallucination. I ignored and headed off.

“Ya..” I felt someone grabbed my hand from behind. The person was standing so close I nearly knocked into him.

“Yes?” I replied while I looked up. “When did you come? I didn’t see you.”

“Of course you didn’t! You sleepy head.”

“Sorry. You know how bad it is on the plane.”

“ung… ung.. ung…”

“Why are you like that? I’ve just come back from a tiring trip.” I defended myself.

“What did I say?”

“You…” I gave him that annoyed look and continue, “you never said anything.”


I ignored him totally and tried to walk off. He pulled my hands off the trolley and took over my place. He stepped forward to walk. I stood at the same spot with my hands crossed over my chest and had a angry look on my face. He noticed that I wasn’t following so he turned back and shouted.

“Aren’t you coming?”

I ignored.

“There are a lot of people here.”

I took a glance around. But no one was staring or looking at us. So I ignored his statement again.

“You’re serious you’re not coming?”

I ignored once again. Frustrated, he left the trolley there and walked over to me, grabbed hold on my hands and pulled me along. At the carpark, he seated me first before putting the baggages at the boot. I fastened my seat belt while waiting for him. I wasn’t angry or anything but just plain tired. We didn’t speak the whole while and upon reaching my place, I stepped in and notice that Jiji is still around.

“Did you left him here all this while?”

“No, I just dropped him here again this morning.”

“ung? really? alright.” I turned around and put my hands around his shoulders. “I’m going to take a nap. You can make yourself at home which I think you did for the past 2 weeks that I wasn’t around.”

He didn’t say anything but smiled at me.


I woke up at what smelled like bean paste soup. I always loved that soup he cooked. It tasted differently. The smell led me by the nose and brought me to the kitchen. No one was around. But the stove is still hot. I went on to open up the lid, took a spoon and dipped it into the soup so I could scoop up a spoonful and have a taste. He hugged me from behind.

“ah! What a sudden!”

“You’re awake?”

“ung. That’s nice.”

“You always like to do this to my soup.”

I giggled at that exclaimation. I didn’t realize it until he mentioned.

“soups are meant to be eaten.”

“Yes, madam.”

I tilted my head slightly so I could see his face.


“Nothing, sleepyhead.”

“Is that a new nickname for me?”

“I like the look on your face after you’ve had a good sleep.”

“Is that a compliment?”

He broke into a laughter as he release me from his hug.


That week just passed like that. I still remember how it felt that night. I was upset at him being so nice and considerate; too much, overdosed. The image of him driving away from the lobby. The back image of his through the rear window of his car. No matter how buried I am in my work, that night continued to hunt me for the week. I had the Sunday alone, worming up myself under the blanklet. Jiji ignored me for the first time. Maybe he knew what happened between Jae and me. That bothers me.

Monday. Monday blues. I sat at my work desk feeling that I just came back from a war, like I haven’t rested at all the previous day. I sat there and the clock hitted 9am. I had a meeting scheduled at 10am. I had no mood for any work today. So bad, I wished I could call in sick. So bad,  I had guilt washed over me for what I’ve said to him that night. I stared at my phone left on the left side of my desk. It didn’t vibrate. I checked to ensure that it had signal. There was nothing wrong with the phone. No phone calls. No text messages. Sunken, I made myself a cup of coffee and settled back at my desk. 9.15am, I checked the phone again; nothing still. I ignored whatever I was feeling and took a sip at my coffee and started flipping my notes for the meeting. Nothing went into my head obvious. I couldn’t concentrate. I opened up my inbox and there was a flood of new messages. I started reading through and clearing them up one by one. I saw an advertisement on Maldives resorts. We had said before that we should visit while it is still around. I let out a sigh as I hit the delete key.

“What’s wrong? You look bad.” A colleague who had walked passed asked.

“ung? Nothing much.” I smiled, signaling that she shouldn’t probe more.

9.55am, I gave my phone a last check. Nothing still. It laid there like it’s dead. Getting ready, I picked up all my documents, laptop, notepads and pens and head off to the board room. The meeting went on for longer than expected. I wasn’t keeping track of time. I didn’t want to stare at the time only to realize that the day has still not passed and time is not ticking away.

12.35pm, I came out of the meeting room, saw the clock as I strolled down the corridor to my seat. First thing I remember I did as soon as I sat on my desk was to check the phone. It was dead. It was still dead. I picked up my wallet and phone and head out. I needed a walk. A walk to cool my head. A walk that can allow my thoughts to settle somewhere else. I walked along the riverside for the last 30 minutes only to settle down on a bench. I stared at the clear waters ahead and wished my mind is like how peaceful the currents of the water are. Angry at myself, I headed back to the office. That night, I knocked off late on purpose and alighted a station earlier so I could take a walk. Thinking back, I must be insane, walking on a hot summer night when I hated the heat. There were many times when the headlights of cars shone so brightly behind me, I would and take a look, wishing that it was him.

That day, I didn’t had a single meal. That day, he didn’t call or sent any text messages.


Tuesday morning, my alarm clock rang for so long so loud and I couldn’t hear it. I forced myself up and my head felt heavy. I ignored it thinking the possibility since I had a bad night. I headed off to bath and prepare for work. Again, I had no appetite for breakfast. There was no scheduled meeting that day and I felt relieved. I wasn’t in the state to attend any meetings at all. I made my work to work, dragging my feet and feeling heavy. Couple of hours passed and it was almost time for lunch. My colleagues came round my table and suggested we lunch at a Japanese restaurant near-by. The name of that restaurant reminded me of the lunch that Jae had brought me a week before. I could almost cry out at the very spot but I didn’t. My head was too heavy.

“Hey woman. Are you alright? You look so sick.”

“Sick? No, I think I’m fine. I just feel that my head is slightly heavy. And…” Because I can finish my sentence, I felt her palm on my forehead.

“My dear girl, do you realize that you’re having a fever?

“Really? Maybe I am.”

“I think you better go to the doctor or something. And go back earlier and have a rest. There’s no schedule meeting today or tomorrow.”


Heeding the advice of my colleague, I went to the doctor’s and was give 2 days of sick leave. I took a taxi home and was too frail to greet Jiji when I reached home. I fed him his food, ate somethings, popped my medicine into my mouth and headed for the bed. It was dark when I woke again. Still, there was no calls from him. 3 days in a row, for the first time. I made myself some simple dinner and went to sleep again right after eating.


I woke up to realize that it was 8am in the morning. I moved my hand to the small table on the left side of my bed and took my phone. Refusing to open my eyes, I pressed the phone so it’d light up. “2 new missed calls” it read. I unlocked my phone and it read, Caller Woori Jagi” I was about to hit the redial button and a new call came in. It was him. I cleared my throat and picked up the call.

“Hello.” I broke my voice and I knew I failed.

“What’s wrong with your voice?”

“ung? No, it’s just morning and…”

“Aren’t you going to work?”


“ung… You’re going to be late if you stil don’t come down.”

I moved the phone in front of me so I could check the time. It reads 8.25am.

“ung… work… I’m not going to work today.”

“Not going? Why? Are you sick?”

“ung? No, I just wanted to rest and…” Before I could finish what I wanted to say, I heard someone at the door. “Oppa, hold on a moment.”

I walked towards the door and it flew open right in front of my face and he was standing right in front of me.


“What happened to you? You look pale, you know.” He sounded worried. I feel him bending down and putting both of his hands on my shoulder and moving his right hand to touch my forehead. “You’re having fever. How long has it been?”

“I went to the doctor yesterday. And he said I was too stressed and I didn’t have enough rest. I am to go back if I still don’t recover by today.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

I couldn’t answer that question. There was no way to answer it nor avoid it. And I refused to look at him. Seeing that, he turned me around and pushed me from behind to my bedroom and tugged me under the blanket.

“Our princess, have a rest here.”

“But I just woke up.” I protested.

“Don’t you dare argue.” He said, trying to sound angry. I obeyed.

It didn’t make sense to fall asleep right after I just woke up like some 15 minutes ago. But I did fall asleep. It was the medication. I awoke at the sound of the TV. And I slipped on my indoor slippers that he had neatly placed beside my bed. Perhaps he heard the sound of my footsteps, he turned around as I approached.

“You’re awake? Are you any better?” He stood up and placed his palm against my forehead. “Seems like the fever has gone down slightly.”

Pointing at the bowl of ice beside my bed, I asked “You put ice on my forehead?”

“I did. It worked and reduced your body temperature.”


He ushered me to seat at the couch while he stood up. Jiji was sitting at the couch right beside him and I settled down over his left side. Jae went to the kitchen to scoop up what smelled like fish porridge. I stared up at the clock only to realized I had slept for 3 hours. I make my way to the kitchen. Looking at his back, I had the urge to hug him from behind.

“Oppa, I’m sorry. That night, I didn’t mean to…”

“shhh….. I know…”

Satisfied, I moved away from him as he turned around with 2 bowls of porridge. 1 was half filled and the other was filled to the brim. He settled the bowl that was filled  to the brim in front of me and put the other bowl opposite me while he settled down. Without him saying, I know that he expected me to finish the porridge. I obeyed, but not without saying nothing.

“If I ever grow fat, it’s all your fault!”

“You? fat?” he smirked. “If you ever do, you’ll still be able to get married. Because a man by the name of Kim Jae Joong would still want to marry you.”

I smiled, feeling the satisafaction.


It is not always a bad thing to leave your phone in silent mode 24/7. It is rather a bad thing sometimes that it keeps vibrating non-stop. For some reasons, I have meetings back to back this very day and only had a short 1-hour lunch break for me to breathe. The higher-ups from the US and other Asian countries have come for an important annual meeting and I was to be part of the meeting. I think my brain is going to rot for the next 3 days that the meeting will run. It’s a sunday night and I was thinking of resting early.

[…] […] […]

That’s the sound of my phone’s vibration.

“Now who is it this time at 8pm of the day.” I thought to myself. I was lying lazily on the floor because it was so hot into the summer that I can’t stand moving an inch. I slowly crawled my way to the coach where I remembered I last threw my phone at.

“Woori Jagi” It reads; which means “our baby”. At the top, it wrote, “Missed Call”.

“So, that was a call. No wonder it vibrated for quite some time.” I speak to myself and stared up at Jiji who’s sitting in a small corner because of the heat.

“You’re hot too right?” I shouted out to Jiji. “Your owner just called.” He just stared at me not having a single reaction.

I tapped on the redial button and the phone starts dialing. He picked it up at the first ring.

“baby, where are you? at home? It’s extremely hot today, right? Have you had dinner? I’m actually thinking of going for a drive. You want to join me?”

“Am I supposed to answer all that questions?” How impatient, I thought.

“ah… I’m sorry. Shall I pick you up?”

“Sorry, oppa. I don’t feel like moving an inch.”

“Ahh…” “Shall I drop by then?”

‘Oppa, I have 3 days of full days meeting from tomorrow and after that I’d have loads to clear. The whole of next week will be busy. I’m thinking of resting early tonight.”

“I know. I have 2 months of holiday before I start my new assignment so I want to see more of you. I’ll drop by in a while. See you!”

With that, he hung up before I can continue. I stared at Jiji and he remained at his original position seemingly knowing what I had intented to say. I threw the phone back onto the couch and kept my position. I’m very lazy tonight.


*Ding Dong*
The door bell rang and I was getting ready to get up when I heard the sounds of someone pressing the password. “It’s him.” I thought to myself and simply refused to move an inch still. Jiji started to stand up and walk towards me.

The door opened and shut and the self-auto-lock sound of the door rang into my ears.

“Aigoo. What happened to my baby? Why is she lying listlessly on the floor?” He noitced Jiji in his standing position and Jiji was staring at the direction of the door. “Did you get up to welcome me, your owner, to this house? How nice, Jiji. Did you miss me?” He started off with Jiji and he took off his shoes and put on my indoor sandles.

“Oppa, you’ve come?”

“You’re so tired?”

“ung T.T I don’t feel like moving an inch. Like it’d cost me all my strength.”

“Still, you shouldn’t lie on the floor like that. You’d catch a cold. Sleep on the couch if you want.”

“It’s too hot.”

He walked over to the aircon remote controler and pressed the “Switch On” button.

“You didn’t even switch on the aircon that’s why you’re complaining it’s hot. But it should be fine since the wind is blowing and you left all your windows open. Why is it you’re so hot?”

“I have no idea.” I gave him that please-leave-me-alone tone.

He walked over and carry me up on the sofa. I sat upright. He placed both his palms on either sides of my face and went, “Finally you’re getting up? ung, our baby…” and “I bought your favourite food from the roadside store. The ahjumma gave me more. I think she knows who I am.” I looked over him to see what he has bought. “hmm… 1 person’s share of ddeokbeokki, sundae and fried food.” He bought that much for the 2 of us was the first thought that came to my mind.

“Oppa, you bought 1 person’s share for each of those items?”


“sundae does looks like it’s more than usual.”

“I asked the ahjumma to give me more. You love it, don’t you. And the internal organs as well.”

“ung…but it looks like a lot for the both of us…”

“i’ll finish everything.” I stared at him for his exlaimation and took his word for it.

I was preparing to stand up when he said, “Just sit where you are. I’ll get the utensils and plates.” I started to unwrap the food. It’s the kind of thicker rice cakes that I love with fish cakes. He seemed to have requested for more sauce knowing that I love to dip those fried food into the spicy sauce and eat it. I took 2 huge cushions and put it on either sides of the long table. He brought the bowls and emptied the food. I started eating before he’s done with it.

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” … “I heard it’s nice there so I drove and went there to buy it.”

“ung…” My mouth was too full to answer much. “How am I to sleep on a full stomach?”

“So, you’ll be busy for the rest of the week?”


“Even the weekends?”

“ung.. I’m meeting Ju on saturday. And on Sunday, there’s birthday bash to go to.”

“hmm…” He sounds slightly sad.

“Sorry, oppa. I know you’re on a long vacation. Maybe you can take the weekends and meet up with your friends? I’ll be free the weekends after that. You can have that weekend.”

His face lit up slightly at my exclaimation. At times like this, he looked like a 3-year old. We ate and chatted a little here and there about random stuff. Like that, 3 hours just passed. He offered to wash the dishes upon seeing me stood up. And he switched on the TV for me.

“Watch the TV. I’ll wash and be back.”



I don’t know how I end up sleeping on the bed when I awoke. But heck with that because I am late for the meeting. I remembered that I had set the alarm clock to be 30 minutes earlier so I will reach the office earlier and now I won’t even be early. At that though, I rushed my way through washing up and preparing. I stepped out of the lobby and started walking towards the train station in a faster speed than usual. I couldn’t help looking at my watch and was reminded that I won’t be early at my desk today. I heard someone calling out to me from behind. I turned and looked.

“Get on.”

It was him.

“I wanted to fetch you to work and so I purposedly adjusted your alarm clock.” He started off as soon as I board the car as if it was written all over my face that I demanded an explaination.

“So I thought I had set the wrong time which seems impossible.”

“Sorry. I wanted to tell you last night. You remembered how you get to sleep?”

“Not… exactly… But I think you put me on bed?”

“Nevermind if you don’t.” He giggled.

I saw it and wasn’t too please that he’s not sharing. However, many other things were weighing on my mind so I didn’t have that extra mind space to pursue about the issue. I was early at work.

“What time is your lunch?” He asked as I exited the car.

“Why?” I didn’t wait for him to answer before I said, “1pm.” And I didn’t wait for him to answer and said, “I’m going off. Bye.”

“Do a good job.” I can hear him from behind me and I waved without turning back.


I was a tedious start of the day for that 4 hours of meeting. I wasn’t ready to join any of my colleagues for lunch lest they discuss about work over lunch. I gave the excuse that I had an appointment but actually I didn’t. At 1pm sharp, my phone started to ring. It’s him. I glady take the call signaling to my colleagues that my appointment is calling.

“Hello. Oppa, why did you call?”

“can you come down now?”

“did you say now?”



“Just come down.”

“Ok, I get it. Give me a moment.”


I dropped everything on my desk, took my wallet and mobile phone and headed down to the lobby. I look around the lobby and for his presence and someone sitting outside with his back facing the inside caught my attention. I walked towards that person.

“Oppa, why are you still here?”

“Still here? No, I went home and clean up and came again. Jaa, your lunch.”



“You came because of this?”

“ung… I wanted to make sure that you eat. You seemed to have lost weight.”

“I was stresed out because of this meeting.”

He moved over and massage my shoulders for me.

“What will I become without you?” He smiled at my exclaimation seemingly very satisfied.

I finished up the 20-piece with him eating 5 pieces and went to buy coffee for the both of us. We actually moved up to the roof top because he claimed he wanted to be under the sun. Much as I wanted to, I didn’t have the time to stay for a long chat.

“Oppa, I’m so sorry but what can be done? I need to sort out some issues before the next meeting.”

“ung, okay. I’ll walk you down. I should leave before people sees me.”

We headed for the lift and I alighted at the 20th floor while he took it all the way down to B2.

“You’re not going to be late today, are you?” A text message from him came as soon as I start to seat in for the next meeting. I didn’t had the time to reply.


“ung? What is this?” I said out loud as soon as I stepped into my house.
“Jiji, you’re still here? Hyung didn’t bring you home?” Jiji showed the look like he couldn’t care less. “Does that mean you prefer to stay here?”

He came out of the kitchen wearing my apron and a soup scoop.

“Oppa?” I gave him the why-are-you-here-look.

“How is it? Superstar Kim Jae Joong is cooking specially for you.”

“I’m tired.”

“Yes you look very tired. Go get a shower and dinner will be ready.” He’s all smiles. He’s enjoying all these. He’s making me feel bad that I didn’t have time for him. I threw my bag and the documents I had brought home to read on the couch and head off for shower. When I stepped back into the hall, my bag was sitting nicely on the couch and the documents were sorted out and placed neatly on the table.

“You packed these?” I asked, pointing at the documents.

“Ung.. you brought those to read at home?”

I didn’t bother to reply.

“You’ve had a hard day’s work. You need some rest.”

“I’ve read some parts of these documents and put it that way. I need to finish reading them all before the 3rd day meeting.” I sounded slightly frustrated.

He ignored the fact and came over to pull me to the table. Jiji had shifted himself and settled down beside my pile of documents but seeing that we’re moving to the dinning table, he followed suit. I allowed him to seat on my lap.

“Jiji, noona is going to have dinner. How is she to have with you on her lap?” Jiji ignored him. I smiled at Jiji and ignore JaeJoong as I tugged in.

“Eat more.” He said as he stood up.

“Oppa, you’re not eating?”

“I’m going to get some water from the fridge.”

I nodded and carried on eating. I tried not to rush myself through dinner. He washed up the plates and cut fruits while I settled myself in my study room and read my documents on my bean bag. I had bought 2; red for him and dark pink for myself. He settled down with the fruits. And started forcing me to eat while I carried on reading. He laid quiet for the next hour or so. I looked up from my papers and realized it’s already midnight. He was fast asleep. I leaned closer and look at his face. He’s so perfect I’m jealous. He woke.

“Oppa, it’s late. You should head home and rest. You look so tired.”

“Why time is it?” He asked as he rubbed his eyes.

I started packing my bag for tomorrow while he headed for the toilet. I heard him shout, “I’m leaving. Locking the door for you behind me. Rest well!”


Again! I woke up at later than I expected. I had snoozed the alarm and slept longer. I rushed my way through preparing and even skipped breakfast. Walking down the lobby, I saw him leaning against his car.

“Morning, agasshi.”

I smiled at his exclaimation and hopped on.

“Oppa, i’m late.”

“I know. You sleepy head.”

“Aren’t you tired?” He asked as he hopped on the driver’s seat and turned to the back seat and fetched me what smelled like coffee.

“Breakfast!” He said delighted. I gave him the how-did-you-know-I-didn’t-had-breakfast look. And he continued, “I’m a perfect boyfriend, aren’t I?”

I ignored. I finished my breakfast just in time as he reached my office.


For the whole of the remaining weekdays to come for that week, he fetched me to work, brought me different set of lunches everyday, made dinner, cleaned my house, bathed Jiji and more. He seemed to have decided that Jiji is to stay at my house permantely. He may seemed like a perfect boyfriend, but I think it’s overloading for me. I thought it would stop after Friday. But, on Saturday night, at my date with Ju, I got a text message.

“Baby, it’s coming midnight and you’re still not home yet?” I showed Ju Jae’s message and all she said was, “He’s at your place, isn’t he?” I nodded. I didn’t have to ask to know. And Ju added, “My dear friend, many people would have wanted this kind of boyfriend but as of what I know you to be…” I nodded at that as well.

He called.

“ung oppa.”

“you’re still outside?”

“ung… with Ju.”

“Where are you ladies?”

“We’re going to head off soon.” I said as I looked at Ju and she gave me the we-should-really-be-going look.

“Where are you?”

“We’re at ….” I let him know of the location we’re at. “We’re going off soon. I’ll give you a call as soon as I get home. Don’t worry, I’ll take a cab.” With that, I ended the call.

15 minutes later, Ju notice a familar looking car outside the cafe and signaled to me. “Is that your husband’s car?” I turned back and realized that it really is his car. I took in a deep breathe and we headed out together.

Ju and Jae said hello to each other and Jae decided that we should fetch Ju back before heading home. On the way, we were all quiet. As soon as Ju alighted, I turned to him.

“Oppa, I know you’re being nice doing all these for me. But it’s a night out with Ju.”

“I know. But it’s already so late. I’m worried.”

“I know you’re worried. But I can make it home myself. I’m not a kid.”

“I’m not saying you’re a kid. I’m just worried.”

“It’s the same at work. I like it when you fetch me and stuff but doing it everyday. It’s just…”

We fall silent after that.

I know a lot of people would love a boyfriend like JaeJoong. I do too. But he’s a little too extreme sometimes.

I couldn’t sleep that night.


It’s their last stop for their World Tour in the US. The last time round when they had their US tour, I remember telling one of the unnie I know that I’d make sure I go. But it’s crazy because of the 16 hours long flight. I manageed to get myself an air ticket and a VIP ticket to their concert. I was glad I did manage because it was really chaotic. Many people have come to know about them because of their great performance abilities and vocals. They are moving from idol singers to professional singers. I am proud of my man.

11 hours more and I’ll be sitting on the plane.
32 hours more and I’ll be seeing him.
I’m so excited I can barely focus.

Time is passing so slowly and I can hear myself cursing under my breathe.


[—- 10 hours later—-] [—-airport—-]

“I’m sorry, madam. It seems that there’s some issue with your ticket. Do you have any other identification. It seems I can’t find your ticket with your passport details.”

“What?! You’re kidding me. I haven’t got anything with me.”

“Let me try again…”

Panic, I searched franticaly through my bag but there’s no print-outs of the confirmation nor did I write anything in my notebook. “Darn!” I sweared.
Then I got a call from Ju…

“Woman, are you at the airport?”

“Yes, I’m trying to check-in and they say they can’t find my reservation. I remembered I paid by credit card. How is that possible? They are asking for some kind of identification. Where can I find it now?” I sighed and spoke like a bullet train.

“Calm down. Did you get a confirmation email?”

“Right! Confirmation email! I’ll call you back, thanks dear!”

I hung up the phone and logged on to my email account. I searched through the dozen of junk emails and found a subject titled “Asiana Airlines, your e-ticket confirmation.” I clicked in and it took so long to load. But luckily the confirmation number is stated on the file name.

“Excuse me, I think I have my confirmation number. It’s AXJ3278Q. Please check it.”

“Yes. Please give me a moment.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me by telling me you can’t find my reservation.” I said under my breathe.

“Madam, I found the reservation. I’m sorry for the inconvenience. Let me check you in immediately.”

“I think I’ve done that and the seat is 10A. It just need my boarding pass.”

“Yes. Let me get that for you.”

2 minutes and I’ve checked my baggage and got my boarding pass. It reads “seat number 10A” on the boarding pass. I giggled at the number. It was the same flight and the same seat that he had sat on, departuring from Incheon. I am like a silly fangirl.

But the point is, he didn’t know that I am going. It was meant to be a pleasant surprise.


[—-on the plane—-]

“Excuse me, how many hours more before we land?”

“It will be another 2 hours more. Do you need anything?”

“No, I’m fine. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”


[—-1 hour 30 minutes later—-]

“Dear passengers, this is the captain speaking…”

“Great! We’re landing soon.” I thought excitedly in my head. I was blasting his solo song “Still in Love’ for the last 16 hours and it makes me wonder what was on his mind when he recorded the song. Maybe I will get to ask him next time. His voice keeps ringing in my head even after I’ve landed, checked out at the customs, fetched my baggage, in a taxi on the way to the hotel…

“…it’s so true i’m nothing but a fool for you. But I don’t care, I’ll always be here loving you with all I’ve got. I don’t care if you love me or not…”

I checked into the hotel, the same hotel that they are staying and realized I still have time for a hot bath before heading off to the concert venue. I actually get to know which hotel they are staying through online research that has been updated and spread around by the fans. I managed to get a room because it’s a more expensive room. I was complaining to Ju about it but was totally ignored.

“Are you going to go to see him, or not?” Was all that she said to shut me off. She has always been cool. That’s why I love her.


[—- Concert Venue—-]

I heard music and singing at the stadium and fans screaming and cheering each time they play the music. I head a familar voice saying “Let’s start this all over again.” I paced myself to walk towards the back stage door so I don’t look suspicious. I want to try and see if I can enter. No one know I was coming.

I was leaning against the door hearing for voices within when I heard someone approaching the door and turning the door knob. I was frozen at that spot. The door slid opened and I saw the man standing. It was their manager and Junsu was behind him.

“Hyung,…” Junsu started.

Stunned at me, he continued. “Oh! You… Hyung!” He screamed to a direction behind him.

Freaked out, I stepped forward and pulled him. “He doesn’t know I’m here.”

“He doesn’t? You didn’t tell him? Why not? Let me get him for you.”

“No, no, no. I don’t want him to know yet. Are you guys rehearsing?”

“We’re done and taking a rest for now.”

“Can I go to backstage later after the concert?” I should asked their manager instead of Junsu but I was so glad to see him that I forgot that the door is still opened.

“Ahhhhhh…………..” I heard screams from behind. And next time I knew, Junsu had pulled me inside.

“You can come to back stage but… Hyung, can she go to backstage after the concert?” He was asking the manager on behalf.

“Yes, of course you can. You can…” He started to brief me. I understood and excited the area through another exit. I was hoping nobody know I was the one who went through the other door. I went to find a quiet place to seat, but there was no quiet place. I settled on a chair. Everyone has started to queue and enter. It’s another hour before the concert.


The concert was great. The stage was great. The lighting was great. Their conditions were great. The stage was hot. But the dance was not so great; No, his dance.



I managed to sneak in and I was walking through the corridor when I saw the dancers’ room open and I decided to peep in. I saw those dancers and I gave that hatred look. I have no idea if they saw me or not and I couldn’t be bothered. I need to get to their room, before they do. I took a turn and walked along another long stretch of corridor. I heard voices within a room and I opened and peeped in. The door sign reads “Coordinator”. They went around giving their thanks. I found the room that reads “JYJ” at long last, gave a knock, no answer and stepped in. I settled myself on the long sofa and waited patiently.

[—- 10 minutues passed—-]

I heard footsteps and his voice. He was talking so loudly in excitment. I heard someone holding the door knob. I rested my ears against the door trying to listen who it was. He spoke again, “Ya.. Yuchun ahh.. seriously, it was so…” The door flew open and I greeted him with a smile.

My focus moved from his face to the other 2 faces behind him. They were giggling, especially Junsu because he knew I was here. But it seemed he told no one about it. JaeJoong was still shocked after 10 seconds. And YuChun broke the silence,

“Hyung, are you going to stay like this?”

“uhh? Oh… no.. I just.” And he shifted his focus to my face.

“You didn’t tell me…”

“She says it’s a surprise.” Junsu butted in as he pushed JaeJoong aside to get through.

“You knew about it yet you didn’t let me know.” JaeJoong exclaimed strongly.

“Oppa, it was meant to be a surprise. I asked Junsu oppa not to say. We met at the backstage door just now. He didn’t know about it until then.” I was trying to explain while holding on to him. “Aren’t you glad to see me?” I continued.

“I am but..” He was lost for words.

It was such a pleasant sight I can’t help but giggled at him. He face reflected of shockness and glad and slightly angry with Junsu. He walked into the room towards his belongings and I followed behind. The room is big for 3 person and they have all their belongings put on the dressing table. He searched through his bag as if looking for something. Feeling ignored, I walked towards the sofa and sat down.

I started talking about the concert and praising the other 2 members, giving glaces to JaeJoong which he caught looking through the mirror at me. He knew I wasn’t please about something and he showed the face of guilty. I can’t help but to tease him further. I was jealous at the same time too.

“I saw your solo…”

“Yes… my solo… yes…”

Yuchun and Junsu started to laugh slightly.

“The dance was… how should I say it? Amazing… you performed well. So… you liked your solo?”

“baby, it was just the cheorgraphy. We’re trying to express the lyrics of the song and protraying it through dance.”

“Protraying it through dance. Right… dance… all those touchy stuff… and… your eyes… the fans were crazy about your solo.”

“Yes, it’s.. eh…” He couldn’t find words to defend himself. He wouldn’t want me to see and he didn’t know I was there.

YuChun and Junsu was taking glances at us, looking at how I’m teasing JaeJoong. It wasn’t an awkward moment, not for us but perhaps JaeJoong. I didn’t know what he was guilty for. But it was fun teasing him sometimes. I just missed him badly.

I went to sit down at the sofa again. And they walked around packing and getting ready to leave.


[—-on the car—-]

“Hyung, let’s head out for supper, shall we?” YuChun started as we all sat on the car and JaeJoong is boarding.

I was seated in right at the back earlier to avoid the fans. They purposedly left the back seat for the both of us. I remained quiet as I started at the drawn curtain. I can hear talking from outside the van. In less than a few seconds after he settled himself down, we’re off. He didn’t heard YuChun. From the moment he boarded, his focus was on me. He was trying to read my thoughts. I took glances at him secretly, through the sides of my eyes.

30 minutes of drive and we’re at the hotel. There were fans waiting for them at the hotel. They stepped out of the car. Before he left he said, “Come out only after we’re gone.” He was trying to protect me from the fans.


[—-at my room—-]

“Ding dong”

It was him. I just know it.

I opened the door, turned and was about to walk away when he closed the door behind him and hugged me from behind.

“Thank you for being here. I really didn’t expect.” He whispered into my right ear.

I let out a sigh. There’s no way of winning with him. I was no longer angry or jealous about his solo. For as long as I don’t see a video of it.

“Where are the others?”

“They went for supper. Junsu is in his room.”

“And you’re…”

“I’m here… for you…”

“How sweet…” I sounded not in the least sweet at all.

“You’re still brooding over that matter? It’s just a dance. Plus, it was all along cheorographed this way.”

“Even in Asia? uh… that I didn’t seem to know.”

“It’s different in Asia…” He seat me down on the bed and tried explaining.

I escaped, grabbing along with me the TV remote control. I settled the pillow again my head and sat upright at the bed. He was standing right in front of the TV when I tried to switch it on.

“You’re blocking me.”

“Don’t me mad…” He get on the bed beside me and I heaved another sigh. He settled his head on my lao which I laid a pillow on, covered by the blanket.

I stared at him while the TV rants on about the latest pop song in the US.

I couldn’t help but laugh at him. He looked totally like a 3 year old child tugging into mommy’s arms.

He kissed me and whispered “Don’t be angry.” looking into my eyes.


Sometimes I ever wondered why I can’t live without him.
I’ve tried to fool myselfi saying that even without him, I am living on fine.
Plus, there are so many people out there showering him with all that love. His fans, his friends, his family, his mates, his working partners…
For the months that he travels, we don’t get to meet. We do contact through calls or text messages but it has never been long nor any more in dept than just the casual greetings and asking for each other’s well-being.

I hate the fact that he’s always not around. The feeling of so near yet so far.
I hate it, I know.
Nevermind if he’s someone who doesn’t know me.
Nevermind if he’s not the man I love.
Nevermind if he has not entered my life.

But all these are empty words.

I sent him a text message. “Oppa, days like these I wish you’re beside me.”

Yes, I am getting emotional. It hurts me each time having to know about his news through other people or through news reports. He’s not a 24/7 boyfriend. I know that and I don’t have that expectations of him. But sometimes, it just feels so empty not having him there.

Before he left this time round, he has asked me to look after Jiji for him; fearing that I’d be lonely. He said he would be gone and be busy for at least the next couple of months. I wasn’t prepared to let him go.

I stared at Jiji. “Jiji ahh, what do you think he’s doing at this moment? It’s midnight now. He should be in his hotel resting right?”
Jiji just stared at me and started to walk towards me. I sat, cross-legged, the way he likes it and he settles down on my lap. Jiji has a always like me better than oppa and I am glad I have his company.

My phone started to vibrate and JaeJoong’s name is reflected, the way I had stored in my phone.


“ung…” “did I wake you up?”

“No, I just came out from shower. It was a long day today. I wanted to text and saw your text so I decided to call.”


“I miss you…”

I fall silent at his words. I couldn’t think straight. I feel my eyes teary. Jiji stared up at me and started standing up and stretching his hands up as if wanting a hug. “meow” he said. I hugged him and adjusted my sitting position with my knees to my chest.

“is that Jiji?”

“ung…” “he seems to miss oppa too.”

“I miss him too but with you taking care of him I am 100% at ease.”

I don’t know if he didn’t know that I am feeling a little low today or he’s choosing to ignore it and talking about other things.

“I feel much better hearing your voice.”

“silly… you can always call me.”


“I don’t know what went on today. But if you see what’s on the news, ignore it. Those aren’t true.”


“silly girl…”

“I know. I know…”

I am trying to hold back my tears. But in fact, I had already started weeping.

“I hate you reading those news. But I know it’s always reporting on the papers, the internet and those online sites. baby… you’re always here in my heart; so deep it is irreplacable.”

I could feel his frustrations. Frustrated not at me but at the fact that those news are affecting me this much.

“oppa, i love you.”

I hung up, not wanting to show my weaknesses.


I woke up at the sofa. I thought I forgot what happened last night but it was still fresh in my memory. I hated the fact. Skipping breakfast as usual, I made a fresh cup of morning coffee. It tasted different from the usual. Jiji had come to join me at the seat next to me. I stared at him. He gave me the look that he wants to seat on my lap but I am sitting with my knees touching my chest, making there no space for him to enter.

“I’m not about to move, Jiji ahh… i’m sorry. noona is not in the mood today.”

As if knowing what I said, he settled down in his own chair.
We stayed like this for the next hour or so.


It’s a saturday.
My phone didn’t ring at all the whole day.
Not like I have any date.
Not like I am in any mood to step out.

The television plays on. I stared at it, not knowing what I was watching.
It’s almost 6pm in the evening and I have been at the same spot for the last couple of hours; forcing all thoughts out of my mind and leaving it empty.


“ding dong” The door bell rang.
I didn’t give it a second thought and went to open the door.
I pushed the door out a little and it swung open.
I lifted my chin slightly and before I know it, someone was hugging me.

That hug felt so familar.

I feel my heart beating and me breathing. I remained so until he grabbed my hands and gently push me back a little. He bend down slightly and stared at my face.

He joked, “what is our baby doing she looks so haggard like an ahjuma?”

He started pressing the password for the door and ushered me in when the door unlocked, like it’s his house. He pulled me towards the bathroom and grabbed my clothes from the waredrobe.

“I’m bringing you out.”

30 minutes passed and I’m all ready. Thinking that he would be tired, I offered to take the wheel instead but he rejected saying, “how can I let my woman drive?” I giggled at that. Simple things make me happy.
Or perhaps it was him.

“mart? why a mart?”

“Don’t ask. Just follow.”

We went in. There were glances here and there but he ignored everything. Making it quick, we were out in 30 minutes we a full load of fresh ingredients.

“what’s for dinner’s menu? it’s 8pm already.”

“you want to know?”


“it’s a secret.”

i gave him that “I don’t agree” look. And he ignore. I laughed at that.

He’s back. The Kim JaeJoong I know of. He’s back.


He’s going on a flight back in the afternoon. He has cancelled all his schedule just to come back for a day. For the first time, he allowed me to send him off at the airport.

No one knew he came back. Not even the staff. He came and went back in discreet. I was surprised news didn’t leak out. Maybe the airport staff said something or maybe the air crews or maybe someone on board the same flight. But the airport was busy as usual. No one noticed his arrival. He had done an online check-in so there wasn’t a need to do so over the counter. He arrived just 30 minutes before the flight.

“baby, I’m going in.”

“ung…” I noded.

“I’ll be back once I finish up with things over there.”


He’s already standing at least one arm-length away from me.

“i’m starting to miss you already.”

With that, he hugged me at the airport. It did attract attention and I was being worried about it. I focused around to check if there’s anything unusual but there was none.

“oppa… go… you’re attracting attention.”

“alright. we’ll see each other soon. I’ll call when I reach.” He whispered into my ears.


[…] […] […]

The vibration sound of my phone could be heard 2 tables away. Without having to check the phone I know exactly who’s the one who sent that message. I walked over and reached out to my phone.

It reads “babe, i’m back in Seoul. You…”

I had no time to check his text message and had to rush for the next 2-hours long meeting. I’m dreading it. But there was a lot to discuss over this important meeting and I can allow no distractions.

[… 2 hours 30 minutes later…]

A check on my phone and it says:

[… you have 10 missed calls…]

[… 2 new voice messages…]

[…5 text messages…]

I was about to slide open when the 3rd voice message came in.

“How impatient.” I sniggled at the thought.

For some reason, I decided to clear up all the missed calls. I’m gonna ignore those voice messages because it would be his nagging of why am I not picking up those calls nor am I replying his messages. I’m just going to read those text messages.

I could hear his voice ringing in my head saying “babe, I know you are busy but could you just reply that text message or pick up that call…”

Knowing him too well.

First text message says “babe, i’m back in Seoul. You free tonight? I missed you.”

Second text reads “are you in a meeting or in the middle of an important work? Please reply soon. Love. (with a heart)”

Third reads “I called you like for 5 times already.”

I went to check at the timings of the calls and it appears that I had a miss call almost every other minute. The last missed call was 1 minute ago. I ignored the rest of the text messages and decided to hit the redial button.

At the first ring “FINALLY!!!!!!!!!” he sounded like he was desperate to get me on the phone.

“I was in an important meeting and I couldn’t get away to answer any calls. I left the phone at my desk… so I…”

“You free tonight? Let’s meet. I’ll pick you up.”

“I have a date with Ju tonight. We had arranged to meet some time back and it’s been a while since I’ve last seen her.”

“no matter how late…”

“Alright. I’ll try to end off earlier. I’ll see you at your place?”

“I’ll see you at your place.”

“Right… my place… okay…”


[Time: 12midnight]

I was on the phone with Ju.
“I didn’t know we’d end off so late. I didn’t even watch the time. I’m almost at my door. Where are you.”

“I’m still a couple minutes away. Lucky thing we manage to get cabs at that area else it’d be even later.”

“yeah.. right… have a good rest when you get home.”

I was standing outside the door when I hung up the call.

[di-du-di-di… *music*]

My door opened. It was total darkness and I couldn’t see a thing. I took off my shoe and left it on the shelve and took a step forward up. I feel someone dragged me and I was being hugged so tightly.

I forgot.
The fact that he had returned today.
The fact that he was at my house.
The fact that he was waiting for me.

I opened my mouth “oopa…”

“shhh…. Just stay like this for a while…”

I understood. No words required.


“you look so tired.”

“I slept a little just now while waiting.”

I never talked to him about his work because he gets all that support required. No words required.

“Are you hungry?”

“Not really. I miss you more. *smiles*”

He moved on to seat at the couch. And I walked towards my room to put down my belongings before walking over to the couch.

“It’s late. Let me take a shower.”

He pulled me towards his direction and I ended up sitting beside him. He gave me a hug, implying that he doesn’t want me to move an inch.

“oopa.. I smell from the day. Let me take a quick bath. *smiles*”

“It’s saturday tomorrow. Let’s go out.”

I know he meant now and not the next morning.

“I get all that energy when I see you but let me bath and change to a new set of clothes, alright?”

With that, I walked off and came back in 30 minutes. He seemed to have timed well the time I’ll take. He was gone when I came out of the shower and then my phone vibrates at my dressing table. In the darkness the phone shows “Jjoong”.

“I’m in the car at the basement. Wait for me at the lobby.”

I got out of the house and waited for him at the lobby. There’s a car that came and stopped right in front of me. The driver lowered the window and it reveals JaeJoong sitting at the driver seat.

“Hop on.”

“Why the change in car?”

“It’s manager hyung’s car. I borrowed his. To avoid the fans tracking me down.”

“you’re getting really popular these days. *giggles*”

“have always been… *laughs*”


It was moments and we were on those express bridges. He is always a fast yet safe driver, plus it was night. He drove along and we didn’t speak. The night scenery was beautiful as usual and I realized that it was quite some time when I had the chance to look at this beautiful view. He scrolled down the window for me and the cool breeze filled my face. The feeling was very good.

He drove on for the next hour or so and I didn’t know that I had fallen asleep.


My eyes started to open though it wasn’t dawn yet. I had slept for quite some time. My seat has actually been put lower so I can sleep more comfortably and there was a blanket over me. I remained in that posture and focused my sight to my left hand side. He was there, lying with his eyes closed facing my direction. I couldn’t tell if he was just closing his eyes or fast asleep. I could hear the waves hitting some solid objects and I knew at once we were at the beach. It was still too dark to make out what’s around me. The lights were dim but visible. I saw his fair face. I always hated the fact that he’s fair – fairer than me.

For an unknown reason, I started to inch towards him like I was controlled by an unknown force. He looks tired but somewhat happy. He’s working really hard these days, working on things that he really like. I am glad that such a man is in love with me. I remembered how he had looked when he said “I only want your love above everything else.”

Maybe that’s why I love him.
Maybe that’s why we have built up this trust between us.
Maybe that’s why even if I don’t get to see him, I know he’s there.
Maybe that’s why we are in love.

He moved.. And I went back to my original posture freigning I was still asleep.

“I know you’re awake.”

I failed. As always.


He switched on the light in the car so we could see each other better. Dawn is starting to break.

“Let’s watch sunrise and go for breakfast. I’m hungry.”

“I’m hungry too. I want coffee.”

“I know you do. Shall I go get some now?”

“No, it’s alright. I can have it later.”

“Have you been drinking coffee on an empty stomach?”

I just grinned at that question.

“You know you should at least…”

“oppa… seems like the sun is coming up… ”

“Don’t you try to change topic.”

Too late. I was getting up and getting off the car. He follow suit behind.

“The morning breeze is cold. Put this on.”

“What about you?”

“I’m warm enough.”

“I seem to have a higher body temperature than you.”

“You have been sleeping all night. Not moving.”


We sat down and I leaned against him. It was another 20 minutes later that the sun started to rise and another 10 minutes later that the sun rose. We took a slow walk along the beach, holding hands. It was peaceful.

“I’m hungry. Let’s head for breakfast.”

“I know there’s this place that serves good soup. Let’s go there. It’s a 5 minutes drive.”

We spent an hour eating and another 30 minutes enjoying the breeze and coffee.

It was a perfect moment.

We didn’t speak.


[—-sound of the start of the engine—-]

I hopped on the car and he moved towards me, wanting to fasten the seat belt for me. I let him do the job.

We listened to slow music throughout the drive back to Seoul. It was pretty fast because of the smooth traffic and his driving skills. At about 11am, I was back at my place. He had dropped me off at the lobby. I bid him goodbye thinking that he will be going off.

5 minutes later, I heard someone opening my door. It was him.

“I thought you left.”

“There’s nothing on today. I thought I could just stay here. I only have an appointment this afternoon.”


“The interview is at 3pm and it’s only a couple of hours left so I thought it’s pretty time consuming to head home and go out again. I’ll take a shower.”

He passed through me and enter the place with me starting at him in amazement. I had planned to clean the house a little before I head off for a nap.

He took a shower and it was all quiet. I was cooking up something in the kitchen so I didn’t bother. I went to check on him after I was done. He’s dead asleep on my bed. He’s that tired yet he insist on a date to the beach.

“That boy.” I thought and smiled.


I can’t remember how was his voice like over the phone.

I can’t remember how was it he ends his email with all those hugs and kisses and saying he missed me.

I can’t remember how his breathing sounds or how comfy was those shoulders of his.

He was busy with work – travels and schedules.

I am a 9-6 Mondays to Fridays working lady. I remember those crazy days when I’d work extras on weekends just so I could get a fatter pay cheque.

I was saving up so I can follow him around during his tour.

We have always quarreled about how he could pay everything for me and how I didn’t want that because I’d earn my own money and spend it the way I want it. Thinking back, yes, I was selfish perhaps but I am regretting…

With him accepting more bigger projects, he is hardly ever in town. I’d visit his empty house couple of times each day just so I could feel myself still being as his girlfriend. I watched those videos that fans uploaded for him online and I could see his zest in the kind of music and performance that he loves. How could I stopped him and ever be less supportive? Even though he said he could give that all up just so I like it. But, I couldn’t do that. He belongs to the stage. I’ve seen how different he was when he was performing on stage and that’s another part of him that attracted me so much.

One word – Perfection

It was a number so familar. A voice that still rings in my head.

I stared at my phone that reflected his number. The phone keeps vibrating for the last I-have-no-idea-how-long period. I am starting to tear up. The vibration stopped and the phone lights another colour stating 25 missed calls from the same one number. I know exactly how well he must be feeling now. I wasn’t trying to avoid his calls but I knew what was coming and perhaps feel fear of picking it up.

I got a text. “Pick up that phone, please.” It wasn’t a text to me. It was more like his voice ringing through that text message.

I picked up that phone and hit re-dialed. 1 ring and he picked it up. I missed a beat when he said my name. How long was it, I thought. I couldn’t make up a sound. I was feeling too apologetic.

I had been avoiding him for the last couple of weeks giving the excuse that I am busy but in fact, I was thinking about our future. I was receiving a lot of pressures from many others with regards about our relationship. He’s a popular singer and me; I’m just a plain lady in her early 20s. But we both know that they way I love him is not that the love of a fan, a friend, family or working partners.

He is special to me.

“you finally pick up my calls. Please, please! stop avoiding my calls. I’m starting to feel the kind of stress about our relationship; something I’m dreading so much since we started to get closer. I really do like you; not like any other.”

“oppa…I…sorry… I didn’t do it on purpose. It’s just that.. I…”

“I know! There’s a lot of pressure from both families and my fans as well. And you know how much you…”

“I know. Of course I do… And your fans… they love you too… they didn’t…”

“I know they love me. I know they are the ones who have brought me thus far as a singer. I love it the way it is with the fans. But I am only but human. You’re different from them. You’re the woman I love… you know that. But why is it that we’re always falling back on this topic whenever those news about me gets reported? I’m getting listless… can’t your trust me? What is it that…”

“No…no.. it’s not that… I do love you… a…lot…”

“Then? What is it, then?”


“why is the minds of girls so complicated? I know this is no simple relationship. But I do wish to keep it as simple as it could be, just like when we first started out as friends.”

“oppa, i’m really sorry. I hate to apologise over this. And it is not in the least like me… but… I have no idea why only the word “sorry” is flashing across my mind now. And I…”

“hush… I’m going to be taking time out of my schedule and flying back tomorrow. It’s just for one day. One day and I’ll need to be back. But I want us to meet. I want to talk this through.”

“you didn’t have to. I’ve decided to fly over to see you. I’ve applied for leave to go on vacation but I’ll go over to you instead. Just hearing how you are now makes me realize how wrong I was and how much I’ve missed you.”

“Alright. let me know what time you’re arriving and I’ll pick you up okay? We can go for a short trip at the beach or something. It’s a good time since it’s summer.”

“anywhere is fine. I just want to get over to you soon. I’ll text you again tomorrow.”

“No, call me.”

“Alright. I’ll call. You should be tired after the show. Rest well and I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, oppa.”


Me: you were the one who started it first!
Jae: What do you mean by that? I never did any of those.
Me: If you could just give me a little more attention… *start weeping*
Jae: I guess we both need some time to cool our heads.

With that, he walked out of the room.

He was busy with his schedule for the past 1 year, trying to coordinate a lot of things and trying very hard to accomplish a lot of things within a short period of time. Because I understood him so well, I kept all the feelings that have accumulated over the last year. He just started out a new company and of course all his attention is focused on getting the company in track. I admired him for that. But as time passed, he became more busy; from 4 days a week to 3 to 2 days a week then to 3 times every 2 weeks and slowly it gets to 1 time each month… he hardly had time for me.

The feelings we had for each other didn’t change. I still go to this house and look after his daily needs and sometimes deliver dinner to him at his office. We would have casual chats but it wouldn’t last for long. Each time he returns home after work, he’d be so dead beat. Sometimes he text or give a short call. I know very well what he meant to me and that feeling will never change.

But, on an occasion, I saw him going out with a lady. He never spoke to me about her at all. I didn’t think about it suspiciously and see her as a working partner. She’s a representative from another company and according to him, they are on close terms talking about a deal. He buried himself into more endless work.

On an occasion, he was home on a Saturday morning and it so happened that we agreed to have lunch together.

Me: Honey, I am at the supermarket. What do you feel like eating? You haven’t been able to eat home cooked food for quite a while.
Jae: Anything is fine. You didn’t really have to trouble yourself to make a meal. We could…
Me: what trouble is that? I used to cook for you… I want to cook some dishes and steal some time together.
Jae: Ok… I guess some kimchi stew would be good. I want some beancurd if there is any… get some strawberries too since it’s in season now… don’t get too heavy stuff. I don’t like you carrying heavy items. Maybe I should go pick you up…?
Me: No no, it’s alright. Just sit at the couch and watch some TV. I’ll be there in 10 minutes.


[keying of password and door opening sound]

Me: oh… you’re out to greet me?
Jae: knowing you, look what you bought. I knew you’d be getting so many things.
Me: *laughs*

[he took the shopping bags from my hands and head off to the kitchen.]

Jae: I knew you’d get this many stuff. Can we finish? You wouldn’t even tell me where you are so I could go pick you up.
Me: you hardly have a chance to rest. You should be resting. Why? *laugh*

[pushing him from the back and making him get out of the kitchen.]

Me: our Mr Jae shall just sit here and watch the TV while I will get ready and prepare the meal.

[he walked back to the kitchen leaving the TV on.]

Jae: I could at least help a little here and there… [starts picking up the vegetables to put into a basket to wash…]
Me: [hard stare] Honey… I want you…
Jae: Ok, OK, i know. I will sit there and wait for your delicious meal.

[He walked over to pick up the apron and put it over me then whisper into the ear…]

Jae: don’t dirty your clothes.


Jae: the meal was delicious. I really missed your cooking. But I am also good at cooking.. you know just now I could…
Me: I know you are. Why don’t you help with the dishes then?
Jae: the dishes is good… but.. I… eh…
Me: *laughs* look at you! I was kidding. You can wash those strawberries while I clean the dishes. We can have some time off watching TV together later.
Jae: there seems to be a nice movie airing on channel… I saw it just now… what’s the name of it…?

[his voice drifted off as he walked to the hall to switch on the TV.]


I finished with the dishes and decided that I can put some clothes into the washing machine and while waiting for clothes to be washed, enjoy some strawberries.

Jae: why are you clearing up my clothes now? you look like you’re here to do household chores today. leave that and come eat some strawberries…

[he tried to take those clothes I’ve piled onto my hands to clean.]

Me: i’m just going to drop these into the washing machine. You bought a lot of new clothes over the past month. Did you not have time to clean them up?
Jae: yeah i did. there was simply no time to iron after i washed so i just bought new ones since it can be worn immediately.
Me: soon there won’t be space.
Jae: I really wish you could leave those there and spend some relaxing time with me.
Me: soon.. just let me grab those 2 over there…
Jae: we hardly get time together and I don’t want you to be meddling yourself with these chorse… I’ll be getting a cleaner to clean for me.
Me: as a girlfriend, I can sometimes do that…[picking up the last piece of white blouse]
Jae: i’ve been feeling bad that I can’t spend much time being with you. And yet you’re here today and doing all these chores. You’re my girlfriend. I don’t want you to come over and just clean my house. you can leave those to the cleaner. she’s coming over next Monday.
Me: it’s just a simple chore. why won’t you just sit there and wait for 5 minutes?
Jae: …
[I can feel him getting upset.]
Me: i’ll just drop these into the washing machine and…
Jae: and after that you’ll have to dry it and then after that you’ll feel like to iron it and then…
Me: oppa… I just…
Jae: I don’t like you doing all that. It was hard for us to get together. I know sometimes you come over when you’re less busy to check that things are well in my house. I appreciate all that… but today is just not…
Me: it’s just something…
Jae: stop doing what you are intending to do now. I don’t want to have to quarrel over this.
Me: oppa… you were the one who started it first.
Jae: What do you mean by that? I never did.
Me: we hardly have time together and then today I just want to do what a girlfriend would do. how long can doing all these take…
Jae: …
Me: oppa… I…
Jae: I guess we both need some time to cool our heads.

With that, he walked out of the room.


[on the phone…]

Me: Ju, are you busy today?
Ju: yes, a little I need to work extra because of a new project and I’m not sure what time my work will end. something happened? you don’t sound like yourself…
Me: I was with Jae just now…
Ju: oh! isn’t it good? when was the last time you guys spent some time alone together?
Me: i know… i am guilty. I think I made him angry. because we hardly get time together and yet I was trying to clear some mess in his house and he just…
Ju: I guess he just want to spend some good time with you… why don’t you just say sorry and patch up? you know how much he meant to you…
Me: yes of course I do… he meant to much…
Ju: hey! so sorry! I need to run. I’ll give you a call back soon! sorry my dear friend!
Me: no worries, I’ll be just fine. Go get busy. talk to you soon.

[I roamed around for a couple hours then settled myself down for a cup of coffee while waiting for Ju.]


Ju: my friend! did you wait long? Sorry I couldn’t end it earlier.
Me: it’s alright. how’s your work.
Ju: as usual. So? did you manage to trash it out with him?
Me: maybe not today…
Ju: I know where he’s coming from. I can’t belive you guys quarreled over such a minor issue… that’s just not like you or him.
Me: I know… it’s been so long since we spent time so I guess he just want time alone. But I just…
Ju: i know. i know. don’t have to explain. let’s get out of here. I’m craving for some japanese food. you want some too?
Me: japanese sounds good. you have any recommendation?
Ju: i know of this place that’s priced reasonably with good quality. It’s a 15 minutes walk from here.


We had quite a lot of food and some drinks over a heavy dinner. It did light up my mood a little. But perhaps because of the amount of food we ordered and how we love to eat sashimi and sushi over sake, we didn’t realize we had too much a drop. We weren’t tipsy or anything but it’s just more than the usual amount we take.

Ju: Let’s go somewhere for a drink? it’s a girls’ night out! And it’s Saturday! Too upsetting to just head off home now. It’s barely 10pm.
Me: alright. it’s been some time since we last enjoyed a meal so much too. We have been too busy for a long meal and a night out. And since we don’t have the company of our boyfriends tonight too…
Ju: that sounds so…. *giggles* let’s walk around and see if there’s any interesting place…

[ It wasn’t long before we found a place that suits us well. It was a place with light jazz music unlike the usual pop music.]

Ju: let’s get a set. I doubt we both like just drinking and not eating something.
Me: set C sounds cool. shall we get this?
Ju: alright!

About an hour or so has passed and it was past midnight. I didn’t realize it was that late until I got a text message from Jae.

Jae: where are you?

I chose to ignore it. Not because I didn’t want to reply but because I just didn’t feel like replying. Ju had received a call from her boyfriend and is on a conversation with him. 30 seconds and another message came.

Jae: I know you’re out. Where are you. Reply me.

I ignored it once again. Staring at Ju and giving her the signal to end her call but she ignored and walk away from the seat. Another text message.

Jae: i’m sorry about this afternoon. reply me now else I’ll really get angry again.

I adjusted myself to sit upright. We were seated at the bar table and I was leaning against the table. Staring at the direction that Ju had headed off, I tabbed on “reply” button.

Guy A: hello, you seem to be alone? You friend has just walked off to take a call from her boyfriend? care for a cup of drink?

I ignore. And tried to reply Jae’s text message.

Guy A: message from your boyfriend? did he make you upset? else you wouldn’t be drinking here.

I gave him the what-do-you-know stare. He ignored it and ordered 2 cups of drink.
Ju came back.

Ju: honey, I need to go. someone is nagging at me already. I can’t believe it. You want to go too?
Me: I want to sit here for a little while more. You can head off first. Text me when you get back.
Ju: you sure? I can drop you off first before heading back. And we can chat a little more on the taxi.
Me: yes, I am quite sure. Just pick up the tab. *laughs*
Ju: i will do so even without you telling me. this girl really.
Me: *giggles* text me.
Ju: i know. Don’t stay out here too long. want me to get him to pick you up?
Me: it’s alright. he texted. [show Ju the message]
Ju: alright. i’m off!

I braced myself up and walk towards the bathroom; leaving my phone lying at the bar table.


[phone ringing]

Bar attendance: hello. this is the phone of a female customer.
Jae: where’s that place? where’s she now?
Bar attendance: she walked off for a moment but I think she forgot about her mobile.
Jae: she drank a lot? please tell me where’s that place.
Bar attendance: she was with a friend who had left. the address is XXX….
Jae: thank you. Please don’t let her leave until I get there.


I went back to sit at the same spot.

Bar attendance: you had a call earlier and I picked it up because it was ringing too many times.
Me: oh, really? thanks.
Bar attendance: you’re welcome. But are you alright?
Me: oh, yes. I am. thanks for your concern. I will be leaving soon.
Bar attendance: the caller says…

He was being cut off by Guy A. Damn! This guy is irritating I thought.

Guy A: your friend is gone. And you’re not leaving? I will be leaving soon. I can see you home if you want.
Me: do you know that you’re irritating? you could just leave me along. I don’t need your concern. I don’t even know who the hell you are.
Guy A: oh! don’t be upset. I just want to make friends with you. Let me see you home.

He put his hands over my shoulders seemingly trying to help me off my seat. Someone walked pass us and push him away from me and grabbed me by the shoulders. I shook at it. Staring up, I saw a face so familar. It’s him.

Jae: keep off her!
Guy A: who do you think you are?

[he started to push Jae.]

Jae: i’m her boyfriend.
Guy A: oh. you’re that boyfriend of hers who made her upset? what kind of boyfriend you think you are? And how dare you push me?
Bar attendance: Please calm down.
Guy A: it’s none of your business so butt off!
Jae: i’m sorry about this (to Bar attendance)
Me: Oppa… how did you know.

I stand up and move myself in front, facing him and with my back towards Guy A.

Guy A: this guy doesn’t deserve your love.

Once again, he shoved me away and tried to push Jae. Because Jae’s attention was all put on me, he lost his balance and his back hit the bar table slightly. I was upset.

Me: this is none of your business so can you just get lost?!

Guy A went off, not wanting to stir up more trouble since quite some people were staring at us already.

Me: oppa, I…

Jae: how much is the bill?
Bar attendance: this lady’s friend has settled the bill before leaving.
Jae: alright. thank you.

He dragged my by the wrist, out of the place and to the carpark. He shoved me into the seat beside him and slammed the door. He was angry. He got into the driver seat and fasten my seat belt for me; refusing to look at me. He started the engine and drove off. For the journey back home, we didn’t speak. I kept staring at him but he ignored my glare. He hated that I drink without someone with me. I was guilty. He didn’t even glanced at me. I had a very good idea how fast he must have drove to come and pick me up. And how worried he was when he didn’t get my text reply. I had wanted to reply.

We reached the carpark at his house. He couldn’t send me home in my current stated because we both live alone and he’s just being worried. He has always been taking note of all these minor details. That’s the reason why I love him so much.

He didn’t even bother opening the door for me or helping me up but immediately head off towards the lift. He’s really angry – not at me but himself. i am guilty. I followed him into the lift, not even trying to strike a conversation. He headed into the house and right into this room. But he didnt close the door. I walked towards his room, wanting to express how guilty I was. But, decided that I need to wash up a little first. When I felt fresh enough, I walked into his room. He wasn’t there but I noticed the bathroom light and the door was opening. I walked in. He was there. There are slight scratches on this shoulder from the know and it pained me. He was trying to apply some medicine when he saw me approaching. I took over and he walked out and sat on the bed. I took the first aid kit and headed after him. He was sitting at the bed, waiting for me to apply it for him. I sighed. This is the kind of relationship we have. Feeling so hurt and pained for the injury on his shoulder.

I kissed his shoulder and whispered “I’m sorry.” into his ears.